February 2012 Breastfeeding Mother of Color of the Month: Elita Kalma

We are so excited to have one of our closest lactavist friends as our February Breastfeeding Mother of Color of the Month, Elita Kalma.  Elita is very influential in the breastfeeding/lactavist world, especially among us Black Mommies.  Her nationally known and followed blog, Blacktating inspires so many women across racial and cultural lines.  For many of us, she has given us a voice and a social media outlet to express our concerns, questions, thoughts and loves.  The Abiyamo Omo Society is so happy to announce Elita as our BMOCOTM for February because this is the month Black skin is highlighted and our culture is celebrated.  She is the perfect person to applaud this month.  So, without further ado we honor you, Elita, for your strength, voice and passion in the world of maternal-child health. We thank you.

Name: Elita Kalma

Profession: Librarian

Children & Ages: Miles, 4 & Aminah, 4 months

How long did/are you breastfeed(ing)? Miles was breastfed for 3 years and Aminah is still happily nursing.

How did you know to breastfeed? My mom breastfed me until I was about 18 months old so I always knew if I had children that I would breastfeed them.

Please explain to us your overall breastfeeding experience. Both of my kids were tongue-tied so breastfeeding was very tough in the beginning. With Miles, my pediatrician said his frenulum looked “a little tight” but that it was “no big deal.” I suffered through sore nipples, poor milk transfer and slow weight gain and no one ever told me the “slightly tight frenulum” might be to blame. Somehow we managed but Miles had to nurse every hour on the hour in order to get enough milk and keep my supply up. I tried to wean him as gently and slowly as possible but when I knew I wanted to try for another baby I just weaned him cold turkey on his 3^rd birthday (we were down to about once a week at that point anyway) and I got pregnant with Aminah a few weeks later. Her tongue tie was noticed and clipped right away and we’ve enjoyed a very easy breastfeeding relationship since, with plenty of milk and steady weight gain!

How are you inspired by your breastfeeding experience? I would not be a blogger or activist today if I had not breastfed. It is no exaggeration to say breastfeeding has been life changing for me. It has made me a more patient, better mother and a crusader to get every woman to be open to the idea of breastfeeding and to support her throughout her journey.

Are there any obstacles you have to overcome during your breastfeeding experience? Besides the two tongue ties, the toughest thing for me has been working. I’m one of those women who just doesn’t let down easily for a pump and I have found it incredibly difficult to maintain a supply while working out of the home full-time.

How do you think being a Mother of Color effects your breastfeeding experience? Definitely some health care workers I’ve encountered have been surprised that I was breastfeeding because I am a black woman. I’ve also gotten the benefit of being able to be a role model of sorts for other women of color who breastfeed. I get a lot of emails from women who have no support for breastfeeding in their real, day-to-day lives and are so grateful to know there is another mother out there who does things the way they do.

What are some of the ways you inspire other mothers to breastfeed and get the word of encouragement out in the community? Between my blog and Twitter feed (@Blacktating) I try to encourage and support women in our community to breastfeed. In addition I make myself available to friends and family members and their friends and family members. People have come to think of me as someone with breastfeeding knowledge and will contact me if they have questions, which is very cool!

Feel free to share anything else about your breastfeeding experience and maternal story of growth.

I wish every woman could experience breastfeeding as total bliss, bonding and love. Yes, it can be tough at the beginning, but everything you’ve been through in your pregnancy, labor and delivery to get that baby wasn't easy either. The idea that you can build and grow a perfect little person with your body and then feed and nurture her with your breasts is absolutely awesome and amazing.

Elita Kalma is the mom to Miles, a preschooler, and newborn baby girl Aminah. She is a librarian by day and a lactivist all of the time. She started her blog, Blacktating, in 2008 as a side project while on maternity leave and it is now her third baby. When she's not reading, writing and tweeting about breastfeeding, Elita enjoys celebrity gossip, cooking, wine and traveling.

State of the Union: A 2011 Recap

This is the first year of Rebecca and me being in business for ourselves.  It has been an eye opening experience.  We have gone through so many different changes in the last 12 months which have taught me a lot about myself, business, and the lactation world.  This is my reflection.

When I get home my kids cling to me.  Sometimes I haven't been gone long but if I'm not home when they get home from school, to them, I’ve been gone all day.  I miss my kids too!  I miss them so much that I'm changing my schedule so I can be at home more often.  I think it's important for mothers to build a bond with their children early so they can have great relationships with their kids as they get older.  That's why I love breastfeeding because Moms are doing many things at one time, building a great lifelong bond, nourishing baby, building the immune system, protecting themselves from illnesses and that's only naming a few.

I thought I could balance career and home with no problem.  Boy, was I wrong.  I didn't realize how much my family depended on me.  I thought that my husband, who is a musician and is at home writing, would just slide right in to my role.  I was wrong again.  Men are completely different than women and I am learning how to work with my husband so we can both further our careers.  He is very supportive in my endeavors and sometimes he's the one approaching pregnant women in stores about breastfeeding.  He sees how important my work is and he is on the frontline right there with me.  He has really helped me be a better wife, mother, and person.  I really need to give him more sex... LOL!  I'm working on it, but sometimes after a long day of work, children, housework, and more work I don't have the energy to lift a finger, let alone have sex.  I am learning how to let go of some things so I have energy to do other things that are just as important or even more important.

Sometimes, you gotta do what cha gotta do!

When Rebecca and I started The Monolatry Group, we were so excited and we were ready to let everyone know, we are here!  Anything dealing with breastfeeding we were there.  We were showing our face at meetings all over the city and suburbs.  We were making our presence known on social media sites.  Then, we wrote a grant and we kind of knew we were not going to get it.  What we were proposing was new, innovative strategies and we were new on the lactation scene.  In 2011, the breastfeeding world changed. The media was talking about breastfeeding all the time and there was more money accessible for non-profits to promote.  Rebecca and I were even more excited to work with other established non-profits to work as a community to help women breastfeed.  That's what we thought but we were naive in thinking that everyone in the breastfeeding community is helping Moms to breastfeed, as well as to empower women.

This was the eye opening part of my year.  As I reflect on this subject, I realize how much I was hurt by women that I thought were advocates for women and breastfeeding.  I thought they were my friends and women I can trust.  I thought that they would be bluntly honest with me and tell me the truth.  But instead, I got shut doors, phone calls unanswered, and just a firm hand in my face saying, “No, you can't come in here.  You are too loud, you ask too many questions, and you are way too dynamic to be on our team.”  Well, I was upset for a little while but now I have my wits about me and I have put this in the past.  2012 is our year!  I'm claiming it.

With all of the adversity I have been though personally and professionally this year, I am glad that I have a great business partner, Rebecca.  She is honest, sometimes brutally, she has my back (like I have hers) and she is a great friend.  I have to thank the universe for placing her in my life.  We have learned a lot this year and we know now who are friends are and who we need to keep our eye on.  We've grown in the last year and in our growth we have been successful.

We have our mommy group, The Abiyamo Omo Society, which meets at 2 locations in Chicago hospitals, UIC Hospital and Jackson Park Hospital.  We are helping to start the volunteer Breastfeeding Peer Counselor program at UIC Hospital.  We are instructing our first PC Class in February 2012 and because of the great response we got we are planning 2 more classes in 2012 (check our website for details).  We started renting and selling Hygeia breast pumps that we call Pump Depot and delivery for free to Chicago's Southside and South Suburbs.  January 4, 2012 we’re starting our weekly talk show called “Milking It!” (on www.VOKLE.com) and you can catch us on Facebook ("Like" The Monolatry Group & TheAbiyamo Omo Society pages) as well as Twitter @abiyamoomo.

We have given a number of presentations at area hospitals and working on new connections everyday. With all that, we are working on 2 grants to help us sustain all the unpaid work we do.  We understand what it takes to be a successful and willing to stay up late and work when we have been up for hours.  We've had a great year and are very thankful to everyone who has accepted us (and not).  Last but not least, we wanted you to know we are here to stay!

Welcome to The Abiyamo Omo Society Blog!

Let's start off saying welcome to THE ABIYAMO OMO SOCIETY!

Vanessa and I are so excited to start blogging our work and perspectives on everything breastfeeding, childbirth and support of motherhood.  We have a plethora of opinions, facts and hands-on experience working in the maternal-child health sector.  We love it so much we decided to get degrees on the subject.  We are doing so much to assist the lactation and childbirth community in making changes.  So, here is our first blog to introduce Abiyamo Omo.

What is The Abiyamo Omo Society?
The Abiyamo Omo Society is a non-profit organization created to support mothers of color in breastfeeding, childbirth, child rearing, domestic needs, legislation and any other maternal resources needed.  It started off on the internet as a Ning web community and has now grow to an actual support group that meets monthly at University of Illinois-Chicago (UIC) and working on establishing another group on the far south side.

Although our focus is on Black and Brown mothers, we open our meetings to all races from all cultural backgrounds.  All mothers are welcome to come whether they are currently breastfeeding or not, have children of any age or are pregnant.  This organization is here to support moms.

We do our best to provide the proper education, resources and emotional support to the moms who attend our meetings.  Also, we are considering involving arts and crafts at our meetings, such as knitting and journaling.  Our meetings are mommy-led, meaning the meetings are open to mothers deciding what to discuss.  We do advocate for breastfeeding, natural childbirth and natural parenting (skin-to-skin, babywearing, etc.).

There is no fee required to join The Abiyamo Omo Society.  We welcome donations and at some point we will ask for an optional membership dues once the organization becomes a 501(c)3.

Please subscribe to our blog and enjoy our rants, knowledge and motherly silliness.  Again, welcome to our Society.